Kids on Gender

By Louise Ellaway 

A light perusal of the Kids on Gender project précis gives us a good sense of Snatch Documentaries’ production core aim: to discern –“What happens when you listen to children as opposed to instructing them.”

That is, literally, kids on gender: an explicit attempt to look towards the children for an indication of the state of gender identity in the education system, in the homes, in the still-crystallising minds of our future generation. Not through inference or indirect analysis, but by simply hearing them out. In this vein, the team was obviously not looking to pump the kids full of steadfastly neutral anti-gender stereotypes, or send them rocketing to the moon with a copy of Judith Butler tucked up their arses and little else to say for themselves. Nary in the history of documentary film, though, has there been an objective piece of observational work. And considering the intense nature of the filming period – four days spent together on semi-educational content as well as workshops, meals and play – it was inevitable that the intent to purely ‘listen’ would at some point be challenged. The lack of objectivity in documentary is largely taken as a given. Many in the genre are happy to admit compromise. Legendary story-spinner and chimerical prankster Herzog has called out documentary as ‘not fact, but truth’.[1] When the very aim, though, is to capture a genuine representation of existing feeling, working with a group of subjects most visibly vulnerable to the influence of the surrounding parties,[2] and pursuing abstract notions of identity often highly sensitive to outsider perception, the push for objectivity – or just something, anything vaguely uninfluenced – is challenge indeed. You need a methodical plan of attack. So how did they do it?With a little reflection (and haranguing of childcare staff), I have made a rudimentary assessment of the particular methods used to create the surprisingly egalitarian on site atmos, and informing the attempted objectiveness of the film in general. See below.

 THE CONTRACT

Speaking as an observer with little to no childcare expertise (save a week on a Slovenian farm with a two toddlers and half a leg to stand on in the summer of 2009, an experience best left unmentioned) I was in the privileged position of accepting every innovation on set as standard. Even in this innocent state, I was soon made aware of the suspiciously egalitarian and conflict-free environment within which filming progressed. This was in part due to dedicated daily reference to what Jaz called ‘The Contract’. A quivering sheet of A3 paperboard scrawled with rules, the behavioural contract was generated by the children on the first morning of the first day of the project. It included themes such as ‘always include people’, ‘listen properly to others’, and the pastorally advanced ‘don’t ignore bullies, as they may actually feel sad’. I did at one point hear accusation of a childcare staff kicking one of the children – slander – and one unwarranted hummus chase – but other than this, behavioural upsets were few and far between. More relevantly, the contract – combined with preternaturally well-mannered kids – kept discussions open, empathic, even faithful. The need for adult intervention was low. And the contracted principle that there is no wrong or right answer here – that felt important.[3]

HIGH VIS GEAR There arose early on a much mocked and dubiously credited idea that the film crew would be less noticeable if decked out in high visibility gear. That is, neon yellow and pink rain macs, gilets and jackets. We went ahead, partly in test of this belief, and also to ensure anidentity separation was made between childcare and crew. The kids barely interacted with film crew staff throughout, and even the more intrusive cameras and lighting arrangements appeared to have little effect on them. If the high vis was responsible, we should take note and give due warning to cyclists.

PRE BRIEFING

Crucial: a chance for childcare staff to air such taboo questions as, ‘Are we going to make someone trans?’ and ‘Does it matter if we do?’ and ‘What if they say nothing at all?’. All present agreed on principle that pointed comments should be kept to a minimum – and while of course we would all bring some stereotypes with us, perceptions and fears of our own – we should drive them down, keep schtum and avoid directing the children what to say or think. Even if they maximally disagreed with us. Interesting here was consideration of trans: how to make kids aware that there might be more than two genders – something that might be new – without forcing it upon them. The team agreed on a loose approach – if genders were mentioned dualistically, to indicate, perhaps, that there might be more, without over stressing[4].

THE LISTENING STICK

A knarled and plastic but ultimately traditional form of peacekeeping, the listening stick was used with whimsical abandon at discussions, workshops, and check ins alike. The stick was a prompt for each child to speak, and generally well respected. If I were a commercial front for the polythene stick brand, I’d say it gave every child a voice.

 A SAFE AND OPEN ENVIRONMENT

Even the most cantankerous of the kids (a sweet young boy with a penchant for rebellious and introverted behaviour) was allegedly heard saying en finale that the project had been the ‘best holiday of his life’. A certain amount of smug satisfaction on part of childcare staff ensued, myself unjustifiably included. It was in seriousness, though, reassuring – because a huge priority throughout was the sense that they ought to feel relaxed, happy and safe. How else to draw out the kids’ real thoughts and feelings? How otherwise would we see anything more than attempts to please, or rebel? They needed to feel independent and free enough to really think and explore. A few resources were created in support of this:

THE SHELTER

A set of bent willow branches cloaked in multi-colour parachute made for a makeshift tent in the small grassy space behind the school playground. A safe space, for children only, no cameras, no adults. Remained surprisingly unabused.

ONE TO ONE INTERVIEWS

A chance for the kids to really explore individually their sense of the entire process; all the discussions that had gone on, the relationships they were building, etcetera.

 

DE BRIEFING

In the Kids on Gender wrap / end of daily meetings, sometime before the wine set in, there was a chance to talk about the impact the thing would have on the kids and on all of us. In these meetings concerns were raised – over the nature of some of the workshops; were we dictatorial in reading out a story about trans boys and girls? – did the puppet workshop have a cultish feel? – was there something more general in the aura of our presence or the way we talked to their parents that, for whatever reason, made them feel that there was some particular thing that they had to say? A concern raised is a concern halved… or something. More importantly, we were continually made aware of the process, its fluctuations, or own biases and the varied opinions of the group on how these were to be addressed, during and post production.

[1] i.e. the two are unrelated. If you want to get into that whole bucket, it’s gonna be a long night. I would on the whole support, but it does get a bit hairy where the political is involved. There is at least some sense of artistry to the entire concept.

[2] (consider that children are in every other respect expected to remain patiently in line with and indebted to the adults surrounding them, or at the very least to listen to their views as primary) (perhaps this need not be a footnote)

[3] It felt hard to do this in a genuine sense – given I’m sure the assertion that nothing is ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ is so often lodged at children and then disproved by an adult’s reaction. The likelihood is that all involved feel that there is in fact a broadly ‘wrong ‘ or ‘right’ approach – and many invested in gender politics have strong emotional ties to whatever they perceive to be the ‘right’ one. But in children we can see and forgive beliefs we think harmful, because it feels so strongly evident that they are systemic, not individual. In fact we wanted them to show us their relationship to a perceived systemic problem. We would not judge them for it.

[4] You could say the whole pre discussion was over stressing. But there’s nothing like self-awareness.

 

S T A F F   I N T E R V I E W S 

FRASER

How was it for you?

The general energy has been fantastic. Everyone on the adult side of things really cares about it. In a way I feel like you know – I’ve been dicking around with puppets [ actual puppets ]. It’s fun. People have made friends.

What did you think of the discussions?

There was some really interesting stuff.

Like when they were sort of trying to work out, are kid’s brain’s different. Are you born with it? Like with Aldo – there was a great point where he declared, gender – it’s on a spectrum, and it’s not subconscious. It’s a product of conscious learning. He said something that I think is difficult to articulate for children and adults. It’s not just about, gender is this / that.

I liked moments like that.

Did you feel you were going to influence how it went?

It’s difficult – as soon as the kids are saying ‘the right thing’ – you’re in trouble – you don’t want to get to that point too quickly. Sometimes they’re not sure.

I definitely feel there’s been an educational purpose here. Lots of the kids haven’t – not to judge – but people don’t always think to educate their children about gender. So it’s good to see that, see them thinking about it.

But it’s always best when they happen upon something themselves. And you know, they have disagreements – in a productive manner – where they have to have that disagreement to learn, to discover for themselves.

You were quite vocal about the transgender workshop. How did you feel about it?

The biggest problem I have is the lack of representation in the group. [no one on the team is trans].

I think everyone had a moment – you know – where you think – I feel uncomfortable with this. It’s natural I think.

Obviously you don’t want tokenism – but I worry that there’s no one keeping us in check. The puppet show – it was difficult, because we have no experience. It was quite adult led – putting ideas in their head far more than I wanted to. You have to strike a balance.

I think a big problem is the sexualisation of trans issues. Plus, trans people are just so under represented. Like – think about the Dallas Buyers club – it’s just a guy actor. People were upset about it.

The problem in our discussion is, we’ve got a bunch of adults saying this is how they feel [the other], to children. Obviously trans issues have come up and we shouldn’t avoid them. But I think we should be more fluid.

 Anything else you’d do differently?

Trying to set up these discussions – I guess we’re like… a drunk person – stumbling down a street – as long as you have a few lamp posts now and then to cling onto, you’re probably alright.

I mean you can always do things differently. Even if the documentary went tits up then, I’m happy to know we’ve got 12 kids who aren’t miserable – who actually had a good time.

 BIBSI

How was it for you?

Really good. I was surprised by how the kids have been – I thought they might have been too young to get it. The fact that they want to be involved… it’s good. The staff group has been great – Talia is so great at picking up the energy of the group.

Has anything been different to how you expected?

Hmm… well I thought the kids would have big reactions to cameras – but they’ve hardly been involved or reacted, so that’s been really good, and they didn’t seem to notice us watching.

Oh and the transgender stuff – I thought it would blow their minds. Thought it might be too much. I worried they’d never have heard of it. You know Jas’ story [Be who you are] was the first literature I’d ever heard on it. So I felt less knowledgeable than the kids!

How does it compare, their attitudes, to when you were a kid?

Pretty much the same. All the girls are saying, you know, in general, the boys are that bit rougher. We were playing ball games – with one of the girls – she said something that really resounded with how I feel, or felt –

She says when the ball comes towards her, she’s scared of it, doesn’t want to catch it – she sort of ducks out of the way. Yeah…

When boys are little, I guess… they’re given balls. We never were.

I guess there are some differences, though – when we were little we totally thought the differences between boys and girls were natural. But now they’re aware they’re not born that way, I think.

Has it had much effect on them?

Well Aldo – he looked like he was having some moments – like, one time he said, ‘boys are rougher, girls aren’t… but why?!’.

He was really trying to understand it.

I feel like it affected Violet too –

When we were talking about girls being more gentle – she sounded like she was angry at the stereotype. And she was interviewed with Dora today. Dora’s seven, and nearly everything I asked, she was like, ‘I don’t know’.

But then she defiantly said, ‘NO, I’m not a girly girl.’ She’s rejected the norms already. I said ‘Why?’, she said, ‘I don’t know, I’m just not.’

Whenever a girl had something to say like that – like with Violet about being gentle – I was like YES, yes, I really want them to be conscious of all the stereotypes – and like they don’t have to live up to them.

I wish that when I was a kid, someone had got me to think about the fact I was a girly girl. I only found out in sixth form.

And you know Reuben – he sort of says some really amazing, enlightened things – I spoke to his mum about it, thinking, she must be really switched on with this stuff.

His mum just said, well, there’s a difference between knowing something and doing it.

It would be really interesting to do this discussion with the same group when they’re teenagers. I hope they really do think about this. Or just talk about it with their classmates.

 BEN

How was it for you?

High octane. But the kids are well behaved. I mean, they’re quite posh! I thought it would actually be more challenging. There were no major conflicts. I mean we had twelve kids – six to eleven – there’s always a big chance stuff can go wrong.

How were the dynamics?

In one of the discussions there was a great shot but some kids were restless. Some kids thinking hard and others weren’t.

I was really pleased with our puppet play because it did sort of seem like it was going out of control for a moment – they wanted the puppets to be aliens – but then they talked it out amongst themselves and came to a compromise.

What did you think of the main discussions?

They went well. I think maybe could have been challenged a bit more – like with the story – the first thing they heard set in their minds the path of what they were supposed to say. Like, that the teacher in that story was obviously a baddy. Could have been more neutral. But they’ve come up with some gems.

Like – the workshop on – ‘how do we know if we’re a boy or a girl?’ – It kept coming back to football. It’s funny how it all revolved around football! Like that’s the one defining factor they can pin down. It was really weird.

And the ‘boy or girl posters’ exercise – you can sort of imagine – that went as you’d expect. The boys’ was full of – guns and shit. They felt like were looking at it objectively.

Does it relate to your experience as a child?

I was like a typical boy – I was never friends with girls when I was younger. My older sister was friends with boys but only because she wanted to be a boy. Like – they are probably a lot more accepting of the ideas than I would have been. They seemed to get it straight off the bat.

Do you think it will affect the kids?

I felt like I did really want the kids to fully grasp the project. In the space of four days I know you can’t… change everything…

But I do feel like later down the line they might be more accepting. So in that sense I think it’s been successful, regardless of how simplified the sort of opening things – the opening to each discussion – has been.

I’d be surprised if the kids didn’t have some views that contradicted what came up. Maybe they felt they couldn’t say them – I mean maybe that’s bad. Maybe it could have been better for the film.

But the whole process will probably will trigger them to think more on all these issues, on their own terms.

Would you do anything differently?

I would try to have them discuss it more openly – if possible.

Also with the whole transgender thing – none of us have direct experience and in the film that might come across badly, insensitive – but then again, I think it was still worth it, just to get them thinking about it.

TALIA

How was it for you?

Great. Great that none of the children had a melt down. Time flew. They were surprisingly calm.

I think they are very well brought up. It was a nice dynamic – usually one child gets left out. But all the kids seemed to acknowledge and respect each other. Jas has such a specific way of not censoring anyone’s speech. She will let conversations completely flow.

What did you think of the discussions?

The kids were very responsive to the transgender workshop. I thought a couple of kids would feel -… I wasn’t sure if it was their upbringing or their age. I’m hoping it’s age [i.e. more accepting because of their age]. Also, when we did the magazines they were really keen to represent their ages.

And how does it compare, to when you were their age?

With transgender stuff – I mean there was Nadia on Big Brother – but otherwise, what was there for us?

A lot of developments have been made since we were little. People are definitely more aware of gender stereotyping – but although people are aware it’s still very difficult to change. Capitalism is such a great vehicle for those stereotypes.

What was best?

Their benevolence and humility was nice… I was happily surprised by the structure. I’m glad the children could come to their own conclusions.

It was wonderful, democratically led, no power levels – even sometimes with the children, I felt like they felt like equals. That worked in our favour. And there was no antagonism in the crew. It’s been amazing to see everyone’s childcare styles and learn from them.

Anything hard about it?

There were some attention-grabbing children. Managing energy levels was difficult. They fluctuate away from the schedule. Also it was good just how natural they were having cameras around – there was no performing.

Do you think it will affect the kids, long term?

I hope it will make them more well rounded. I hope they’ll be able to identify gender stereotyping. Integrate better. Not be forced into boxes.

What’s priority, in terms of the results – a great documentary, or well balanced, gender informed kids?

I hope this documentary will go on and help a huge amount more kids. It would be great to help a larger number of kids. If that happens, it’s more important. As much as this group is important it’s not about them. It’s about children in general.